girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
