Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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