I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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