Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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