just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
