I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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