I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
That accounts for only three of the penises
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
