He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Girls should come with a carfax report
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
