when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
