The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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