Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
