you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
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