May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
