She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Pooping to opera.
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