i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
