We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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