i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
