i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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