They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
