I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
