So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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