Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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