Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
This is my gift to your gina
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
