i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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