I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
