You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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