Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
