We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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