Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
