complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i believe in u and ur pee
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
