and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
