i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
