I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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