things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
