Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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