thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
4 words: hood of his car
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
