I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
