I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
