What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
