i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Just puked most of my soul out..
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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