you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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