Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
