im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
