My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
