Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
