Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
