Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
