are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
