Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
