How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
