His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
