Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
