I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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