remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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